I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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