Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
