hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
