I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize