yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
