Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
