I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
