She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
