he puts the penis in happiness.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
