i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
