We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
