y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
