last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
