I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
