he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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