Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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