You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
