i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
