your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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