You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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