im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
