The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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