Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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