There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
