We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
