I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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