hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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