Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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