I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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