how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
