hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
