he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My vagina just clenched in fear
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
