He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
