i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
