I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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