I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
worst night to have a conscience
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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