So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
