I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
