four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
