Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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