Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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