a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
