I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize