I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
