Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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