the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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