She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
