you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
