Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize