I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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