Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
