apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
