My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
