Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
