I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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