She is in my trunk
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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