I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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