ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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