Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
