I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
