Ambien. No doubt about it.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
